so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What drink are we having for lunch?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
