Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
