How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
