i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
