so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
