i permit you to call me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My ATM looks so different sober.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
