You work out of a Hotel?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
