weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
