Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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