he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
