I wish I only lived at night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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