I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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