i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
