I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
