matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
