She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
