hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
