i was rollin on her like bob the builder
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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