he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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