It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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