New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
