3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
