dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
