I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
