I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
