nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
