I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
