based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
