we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
NoShamevember. You game?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
