Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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