Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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