Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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