id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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