he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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