do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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