how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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