Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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