I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
