Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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