His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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