Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
