Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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