We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yo dont text me then not text me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
