So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
