I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
