STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
