Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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