so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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