mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
