Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
