Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
